For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
