just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
