Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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