just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
