Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
