Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
