I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
