you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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