My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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