Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
