Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
