cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
