Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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