She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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