I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
