I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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