You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
