You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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