The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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