So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
