so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
