They should really pass out barf bags in church
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
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