did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My vagina is officially offended.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
