This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
