Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
