She said her name was "party"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
