i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
