The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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