she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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