and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
