Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
