You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
