I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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