his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
