I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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