i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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