Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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