what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
