I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
