Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
