I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
