I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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