Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
