Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
