I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
