A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
