...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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