I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Drake has all the answers
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
