When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dicks are not precious.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
