Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
