Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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