Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
