What a fucking waste of an outfit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Are we still banned from the library?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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