Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
