I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
