Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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