you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
